I’m not really sure if this is the right place to be asking this but I’m running out of ideas.
My younger brother is an alcoholic. Back in August, he had a seizure while driving and got into a really bad accident. He got charged with a DUI because he tested positive for THC metabolites. He didn’t drink that day, but because of the DUI charge he was forced to not only quit smoking, but drinking as well. He ended up having another seizure from alcohol withdrawal. While in the hospital, the doctors diagnosed him with alcohol dependency and asked him if he wanted to go to rehab but he said no. Ever since getting discharged from the hospital, he’s been claiming that he hasn’t been drinking but we’re not stupid and we know that he has been. I’ve found multiple hiding spots where he hides his liquor and every time I do, I take it away. I’ve tried explaining that his liver is already fucked up (he has a fatty liver) and that drinking with his epilepsy medicine will kill him, but he just refuses to stop. Every time I find a stash of his liquor and take it away, he just goes out and buys more. Tonight when I found 3 different stashes, he threatened to call the cops on me for “theft” and I got so pissed off at him that I dared him to do it, because once I explained to them the situation and that he’s already being charged with a DUI, they would take my side. After a few really tense minutes he eventually calmed down a little bit and didn’t go through with it. A little later, he had another tantrum and threatened to kill himself.
I’ve managed to calm him down for now, but I’m running out of ideas. I can’t force him to go to rehab against his will even though it’s the best thing for him, and he’s too stubborn to go on his own volition. But since this is his first run-in with the law, he has an option for an ARD which will require him to go to rehab. If he doesn’t use his ARD, he’s going to end up going to jail for 72 hours. I know I could have him committed because he threatened to kill himself, but that would just fuck his life up even more and I really don’t want to go that route. But like I said, I’m running out of ideas and unfortunately there’s no way me or my parents can force him into rehab against his will (which is incredibly stupid but that’s a discussion for another subreddit).
What should I do? I don’t want to do anything that would fuck him over in the long run, like having him committed or doing jail time. But at the same time, he’s just not cooperating. No matter how many times I take his liquor away from him, he just buys more or threatens to call the cops on me for “stealing” from him. I can’t reason with him because he’s stubborn, just like the rest of us. I’ve tried (and am continuing to try) reasoning with him and the tough love approach of taking his alcohol away and hiding it so he can’t find it. There’s been two times in the past month where he’s gotten extremely aggressive with me so I knocked him out. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to get him committed and I don’t want him to do jail time but he’s just not willing to do what’s best for himself. Do any of you have any suggestions?
Alcoholism does run on my dad’s side of the family. My grandfather was an alcoholic and ended up dying from liver failure before I was born and my one uncle was also an alcoholic who ended up being able to stop drinking. I should also probably add that my brother has Asperger’s. He gets really obsessively focused on things and no matter what we do, we just can’t get him to focus on anything else until he’s ready. Right now, his focus is on his legal problems and how stressed he is and how much he wants to drink. That aspect is taking an already difficult situation and making it a lot more difficult than it needs to be, but he just refuses to cooperate or even admit to having a problem even though the withdrawal seizures should have been his wakeup call.