Vodka tampons

Being completely honest, I’m struggling to keep my head above water. I’m trying to stop my self harm addiction. I picked up vaping instead, but vaping isn’t giving me what I want. I’m trying to find a relatively safe addiction to turn to. Without one I binge/purge, and I already have lots of health problems from binging and purging too much lately. Binging and purging also makes my suicidal ideation way worse.

I’d drink, but I can’t even force myself to drink more than a shot. I want the benefits of alcohol without having to drink it. I know vodka tampons are a thing, but my question is kind of weird. So tampons expand when they’re wet right? How tf do you insert a big wet tampon?? Does anyone have any advice? I’m grasping at straws to keep me alive rn. Please help me find a way to continue living