Am i relapsing?

If you have seen my past post about my addiction, around a week after i posted that i went 2 weeks clean what felt pretty good, stopped stealing, had more energy and ect.

One night my sister offered me a drink (a can of coke and rum) and i thought it would be ok but it turned out it was like someone saying “i’ll only smoke once” they definatly won’t have one smoke.

That night i had this horrible feeling of i needed to drink no matter what so i drunk hand santiser (not out of the bottle i mixed it with salt so i would get the ethanol out) make me feel very sick but even that slight buzz felt somewhat good.

Then the stealing started again. I am ashamed of it but i know i won’t stop even if i feel bad what i realise is dangerous. Whats so strange about it is i couldn’t even care if i got caught as long as if i could have a drink then i would be ok.

I had a solid week where i came into school hangover or drunk and what was even worst that week, i am pretty sure i had hand sanatizer posining (didnt even think that was a thing but atleast it made me stop drinking hand sanatizer)

These feelings of need of a drink are much worst than before and i am already feeling the effects of it like weekening my immune system (currently got a nasty cold and ive got my first actual GCSE exam today)