Advice for mother who is drinking a lot more during menopause.
My mum has been going through menopause for a while now. She says she is using alcohol to help her.
Me (30f) and brother (30) are worried. She has taken to drinking a lot during social events (which was fine) but she has been getting more judgmental and nasty. She cries, she says she will divorce my dad and move anyway to another country. We can deal with that but then comes the judgement. We don’t run our homes properly, we don’t socialise correctly. We need to drink more to so we can relax. We can’t tell her what to do. She can say whatever she wants.
My brother talked to her and said he was worried she had a problem with drinking and she went off at him. Shouting and swearing. She would never have done that before but engaged in conversation to address the issue.
She has also gone of at me in my own home and still denies some of what she did. She has also directly told me she would keep drinking so she can say what she wants to people. I told her I would support her when she is struggling but not support drinking to show her emotions-which have been nasty at times.
My brother and I are trying to be level headed but we can’t manage it anymore. She judges the people who can’t cope and need help from the doctor. She calls them, “those people” really stuck up when she says it. She says they just need a drink.
I have told her I feel family tension and I am worried and she has denied anything is wrong and has no idea how upset my brother, sister-in-law, me and my husband are.
When she isn’t drinking she is okay but according to her that is her fake personality and she wants to say and do whatever she wants when drinking to make up for that.
Me and my brother can’t cope and we find ourselves pulling away and avoiding drinking ourselves to not give her the opportunity too.
She is being a bit high and mighty tbh now and it is rubbing my dad up the wrong way too.
As the eldest daughter in a family where everyone is moaning to me about her and I have seen it myself, what do I do?
She is already on HRT and creams and stuff but the alcohol man… Turns her nasty and we are starting to wonder if she isn’t what she makes out. How can we not when she claims as such.
She has made it clear that nothing is wrong with the way she is handling it and is happy to swear at my brother to get that across.
What do we do? My brother has had it and he wants to sit her down. I have already had a go and she blew up on me. We just had a chat and she was so defensive. I told my brother it isn’t worth it when she can’t cope but we feel it is unfair we just have a gagging order on us so we have to sit and be silent while watching our mother fall apart.