Active alcoholism in college?

hi, I’m a freshman. I struggle with alcoholism i feel.

I’m drunk while writing this, but I’ve been drinking for ten years, my dad was an alcoholic and was gifted his wings, that he didn’t believe in, from it. I don’t feel like I’m on the road he was, but I might be going that direction because I’m weak and can’t say no.

I’m 26, working full time, in college fulll time, can’t say no to alcohol, and don’t know when to say no, nor my own limits. I drink at home, at work- whether getting blacked out and passing out, or just to get through the day.

I’m struggling with school work, I don’t feel like i have time to even get the other metal help I need, I’m at loss currently and feel like I’m on thin ice with balancing it with life. I know the easy answer would be to stop where I’m at, but I don’t feel I have control, and it’s gotten to the point of wrecking my relationship. I don’t even know what the hell im going to college for, or if I want to potentially advance in a damn Taco Bell career.

I have ADHD, BPD, BP2, major depression, idk. Been hospitalized 5x for suicide attempts, I am lost and seeking solace and advice from here.