Worst Alcohol Withdrawal

My life was awesome and I was so excited to have my own place but it was so weird. COVID was great because I had my bubble and stuff but that hit hard. I couldn’t see anyone and had to walk in the dead of winter for a total of 45 minutes to get food. It felt like a weird mistake for awhile but I kept my confidence. I was recently 21 and drinking almost every day. I hadn’t learned what kept me afloat and what destroyed my stomach, so I drank a lot of beer and mixers with heavy sugar.

After a number of weeks, I started to feel weak, I remember. My diet wasn’t even close to as good as it should’ve been and I had a few beers at nightfall every night. Then in the middle of one night, and I don’t exactly remember the leadup, I woke up feeling so, so uncomfortable I couldn’t remotely believe it. Pain isn’t a proper term to describe it although it was beyond fucking painful. My stomach was in and out of these horrific motions that rippled through my whole body, legs and arms, up to my fingertips. I was shivering ferociously and when I put on my blanket, I’d immediately want to throw it off, except my muscles were too uncomfortable to move that quickly so I’d step by step take it off then back on again. Shaking the whole time and breathing heavily, sweating hard on and off. The sweat felt more like sap itching like ivy with each drip than human sweat, and chills vibrating across the bed frame. Was too weak to walk to the bathroom, at least I felt. I felt a lot like someone had poisoned me, except it felt more like I had put lots of poison into myself slowly, which is what actually happened, and this was the repercussion. It got worse and worse over a couple of hours and I felt more afraid not only to be able take care of myself for the coming day, but that I would die. Bear in mind, I was completely sober at this point in the night. In fact now that I remember, I hadn’t drank for at least 12 hours. It wasn’t just my body by that point but my brain, too. With each convulsion my brain would physically feel like it was supernova-ing so hard that I thought it was going to give out and overload. Keep in mind I’d done harder drugs by this point but right then I was COMPLETELY SOBER. What I remember most was texting my (god bless her) girlfriend at the time at 3am feeling bad to keep her up contemplating with her if I should call an ambulance for over two hours. Eventually I told her to go to bed and I’d be safe and pleaded to my parents to pick me up the next day. Until my dad came 10 hours later I had my phone dialed on 911 and every few minutes, my finger hovered over the dial button, sometimes really, really close. I was hoping I could just get picked up and my parents would be there. I’ve never been shot or threatened with my life but that night I was truly convinced that I was likely to pass away. Not out of terror out of realism.

That was one of three times I went home from school due to malnourishment/intoxication but by far the most memorable. I was so, so scared with every nerve in my body that I was going to die in a dorm bed alone texting my girlfriend.