Why am i completely sober and a god?

Basically guys, I’ve drank like 100 bears and I’m so fucking sober it’s ridiculous. I feel fine and like I could drive and pass the MENSA test, why am I not drunk and why am I such an alpha?

(This is satire on all the other posts like this and yes I am a wee bit tipsy, I rly hope this is as funny sober as it is right now)