I do not drink to drink

I’m psychotic and I feel no positivity whatsoever so being drunk is just blackout for me, this year I drank 3 times what I do is I stay up till 7am then I go grab pure vodka i pour a glass and drink it like a shot i then keep chugging till i pass out i wake up the next day and do it again and then im so drunk that I feel like I’m having a stroke yeah living with mental illness is no joke also having no girlfriend and being 28 seeing your face changing your self not being able to function due cognitive issues not being able to speak or process anything starting to feel like you’re not yourself anymore does that to you I was once healthy until I wasn’t