Is alcoholism passive suicide?

I mean I think I already know it’s a yes. I’ve always been a binger ever since my teen years. But these last few months it’s become something different.

Slower paced, but I want to be wasted, every. single. day.

And I do. And it’s like it’s starting to be like an explosive shell perforating a tank and destroying everything and everyone inside. What I mean by that, is alc wrecks my body from inside.

I’m constantly hangover. I sleep 4h or 5 at best. Bladder hurts. Kidneys hurt. Liver hurts. Stomach hurts.

But I don’t care. Because if I stop boozing I’m left craving people’s attention and I’ve learned the hard way you’d better never open to people. Even to your own partner. It’s ALWAYS backfiring and being use as ammunition for later arguing.

But so, is it just a me thing, or do most alcoholics who do daily (heavy) drinking sort of have a tacit wish to die? Because why I else would I not react to all the pain above if I want to stay alive?