Should I try alcohol for the first time?

Hi. I’ve been sober for all 21 years of my life. I celebrated my 21st birthday dead sober. Never been on meds of any sort, had the smallest bit of nitrous at the dentist, never tried weed/alcohol/nicotine or anything. I almost completely abstain from caffeine and minimal sugar intake. I have diagnosed ADHD but worked very hard to regulate and be at homeostasis. I eat clean whole food and have worked out regularly for 2 years. I’d consider myself well adjusted and not very susceptible to dopamine addiction, and generally happy/self achieved.

My father and his family had extensive alcohol issues. When I was around 14, he laid hands on me while drunk and I slept with my younger sister in my bed and a chair under my bedroom door handle for a week. While things have improved since then, I obviously was still traumatized and affected by this.

I’ve always wondered about alcohol and mood adjusters, but cautious of brain/health damage and a genetic inclination for addiction, plus the ADHD/dopamine deficiency. I’ve considered trying things either alone or with my boyfriend, who has experience with drugs before our relationship. Before we got together I was upfront I did no drugs and didn’t want to, and was not compatible with drug users. I told him about my trauma. He independently quit a nasty weed and alc addiction on his own, and later cited me as inspiration to take initiative and become sober. We got together about 3 months into his sobriety.

Problem is, a year into our relationship he lied to me about being sober for some time and was secretly drinking to excess, coping with depression and socially when with family. He hid it from me before confessing while drunk. Now I don’t feel super trusting or safe to share such an experience with him. Idk how to work past my lack of trust with him. I feel it’s exacerbated by my trauma with my father. Seeing him drunk was very upsetting to me, triggering feelings of disgust and betrayal. We’ve talked about drinking together and he’s been very enthusiastic about experiencing “drunk love” and using alcohol as a lubricant for deep conversation. I am nervous that might be super triggering, and also think it’s ridiculous to make a statement that feels invalidating to the many deep conversations and wonderful love we’ve shared over 2 sober years.

I’ve always felt pride about my sobriety and have independently encouraged troubled friends to limit or stop alcohol or weed usage, just by being a pillar and a supportive voice.

I am philosophical and meditative enough to think shrooms or alcohol may be a unique way to further tune into my mind or body and have a new experience, but cautious enough of their effects to be incredibly wary. Is it worth pursuing a drink? Shrooms?

Regardless I think I’d like to wait to build stability and trust in my relationship again before attempting anything.