Sick and tired

I’m just without hope – many options but little hope. Twice spent 3 months in rehab and I did OK. Sober afterwards. Over a year with AA too, until I realised that in a small community like ours, nothing really stays private. I have a lot to live for, but nothing in my life. I’ve already got cirrhosis, and here I am drinking a few pints a day again. I really need help but I don’t know how to find it.