Drinking to feel rather than not.

I could elaborate more here but I hear a lot about people getting sober and feeling more emotions again and stuff. But I feel like alcohol actually helps me feel more sometimes, helps process the pain I have going on instead of being numb and lifeless when I’m sober, and even give a clearer head on why I feel certain things and whether I should be or not. Is that just me or do other people get that? Ive taken large break and yes i generally feel better physically but sometimes feel like I’m not as in tune with my own stuff if that makes sense? Idk, just curious others thoughts and relations to the paradox of emotional connection to substances