Summer drinking advice for those who have a bad case of fast chugging

So here’s the thing: I like drinking, I like being drunk and it’s always been a problem. But along that my main issue is that I drink fast. Really fast. Not sure if if has to do with ADD, the habit or both, but in 30 minutes the first bottle of wine is gone, another hour for the second bottle, and by the next hour I’ve lost control and end up ordering cocaïne or getting wasted in some shady place with shady people.

Here’s the thing, it’s summer, the weather’s beautiful, and you just want to have some fresh wine to enjoy the evening out in your backyard, balcony, terrasse, whatever. And of course rosé or white wine go down the hatch way too quickly.

Here’s my strategy for damage control which has surprisingly worked very well at keeping my intake under control:

Get a couple of white or rosé bottles. Get a ton of fizzy water or any lemony soda of your liking – preferably not too sweet. Take a big, pint-size glass, pour the equivalent of a standard measure of wine, fill with glass and top off with the fizzy water. If the « taste kick » of alcohol is important to you, you can trick your brain with some chinotto soda which will make the whole thing taste like there’s much more wine than there actually is. And most importantly, don’t use a straw because the whole point is that the ice prevents you from pounding the glass in one big gulp.

That’s it. Play some music, read a book, have your drink close at hand to keep the anxiety low, and don’t forget to add the ice when you refill.

I know there’s many types of alcoholism, that some people just need to get hammered, or feel drunk fast and hard. I guess that I’m lucky that it’s not my case, my beverages of choice have always been wine and beer, and I’m mostly drinking to fill out the void and keep the anxiety at a manageable level.

Long story short: I know this won’t fit everyone’s habit, maybe seem a bit stupid, but it’s helped me not getting completely wrecked, stay safe in my house, and keeps my consumption under 2 bottles per night, which allows me to be at least somewhat functional on the next day.

Anyway. Cheers everyone, and if this helps at least one person here not fuck up one day of work, or one social obligation, then I’ll be happy that this long rant will not have been just a long rant in the desert.

Happy summer everyone, and be as safe as possible!