Alcohol.

From age like 17-22 or 23 i smoked so much weed that i got cannabinoid hyperemesis. In my situation with it, I went from about 150-160 lbs to down to almost 110. I was throwing up all the time and had no appetite and then visited a doctor in another state and they explained to me in detail what was happening to me and I had no choice but to quit so that literally I could eat again. Now, I have completely replaced weed with alcohol and it is so much worse.

I started drinking almost right after I quit smoking. Quitting was hard. I smoked blue lotus flower every day until it was like whatever I don’t even feel like doing it anymore but all the while, drinking became more of a problem for me. I weigh now about 230lbs. I don’t even eat that much. My eating habits pretty much go like this: half an apple on my first 10 minute break at 6 am. An apple sauce maybe a little more or nothing at all at 9. A little chicken and rice at 12. By a little I mean a little like maybe 6 bites. Sometimes more if im like starving. Then I get home and I eat a can of soup or make dinner for my bf and I or if we pick up food its a burger from dq and ill eat half when we get home and half later that night. Thats it. Maybe a bit of chocolate but ive been making sure to get the low cal kind.

Here’s where I think the problem lies. I drink so much. My relationship, job, living situation, and myself have all been a complete mess for years. I moved from ca to the middle of il where everyone is so judgemental and horrible and really bad at their jobs but won’t get fired. I drink almost every day when I get home from work. Some days I don’t. I have been using diet soda instead of sugar soda to mix my drinks but I know I still have a huge problem. I’ve always been about 150 lbs- 130 lbs and now I am about 230b since drinking. I have body immage issues and drinking issue and I there are no aa meeting around me at all. Please someone, anyone help me. Im almost 26 and ik im still so young. My bf doesn’t have addiction issues so he doesn’t get it, my friends don’t either but they also live in Cali and im stuck completely.

Also I know that my personal issues arent an excuse to keep drinking but it does make it so much easier for my mind to convince me to drink. Ik only an addict will understand.