How have I not died from alcohol poisoning.

I almost feel superhuman with the way I’ve drank myself to sleep previously. For context, I am a 200-pound, 5’6 female who is 20 years old. However, when my alcoholism began, I was only sixteen or so. I remember one time I drank a 1.5 litre of vodka in one night in the span of only a few hours. I passed out and went to sleep and didn’t even throw up. I was 18 at the time and only 175 pounds. I would assume it’s because of my tolerance but at the same time there have been times quite often where I have drank 30+ standard drinks and have been fine except for a crazy hangover. Almost every time I drink, I drink to blackout and so when I am drunk, I find a way to consume as much alcohol as I can which is normally at least 15+ drinks. If it’s any less than that it’s probably because I ran out. I am severely depressed and I also suffer from borderline personality disorder. At the moment I am not suicidal but one day if things start to get bad again I want to leave this earth while being intoxicated. How can I successfully stop my heart? Why hasn’t it stopped yet? How much alcohol would it take for me to finally be gone. Please help me.