Just an overintoxication rant. And a warning to new or upcoming alcoholics.

Twice this week I drank wayyyy too much alcohol. 5 days ago it was a hard soda then a four loko, horrible 2 day hangover and that night was awful… Last night I had a roughly estimated 10 total shots of whiskey and rum, then two additional shots just to try out whiskey i have not tried before. I felt fine after the first 5 ish shots (waited 10 mins after last sip, not even tipsy), then had 5 shots of rum and the remaining two new-to-me whiskey shots. I felt okay, just tipsy 30 mins after the last sip. Within an hour I became horrifically drunk as all the alcohol finally built up…

I had a complete inability to think, focus, look straight, sit, walk, or crawl, and blinking gave me an instant headspin. I was so tired, no energy, not tired enough to pass out but I apparently had slight trouble breathing at some point. While crawling was an impossible task, I dragged myself over to my bed and rolled onto it. Using purely muscle memory I fired up my Xbox and opened YouTube. Focusing was obviously not something I was able to do, I selected whatever videos I wanted to see and just listened with my eyes mostly stuck to the ceiling. Having the audio playing was nice, since a complete lack of controllable stimulation would bore me out of my mind which is worsened when I am drunk. Due to headspins, which is when your vision and balance is swirling around (can be worsened with eyes shut), I could not sleep for 4 hours especially from how sick my body felt. I didn’t have the best quality sleep but I slept for 9 and a half hours. The hangover was not as excruciating as what the Four Loko did to me, but I had digestive problems and a lack of appetite for most of the day.

IT IS NOT WORTH GETTING ANYWHERE NEAR BLACKOUT DRUNK! I cannot understand how people even want to be that drunk, I have no fun in not being able to do anything. I like being relaxed or moderately tipsy at most. Hangovers will ruin the next day(s) and potentially make you mentally unable to have alcohol for some time because that sickness is in the back of your mind, subconsciously keeping you away from your favorite whiskey.

In fact, I am at the late stage of my hangover where I am mostly recovered. I took a small sip of my whiskey and the alcohol going down my throat did not feel right, my brain is literally preventing me from drinking any more and I am not intoxicated. I’m going to have to temporarily switch to having lower alcohol drinks like beer and cider until my brain allows me to sip the whiskey.

If you are new to alcohol or are going to try alcohol for the first time, don’t immediately try getting extremely drunk as it will ruin the experience. Find tasty drinks that won’t fuck you up on their own (of course quantity matters a lot). Ciders, light beers, etc. are a good start. If something tastes bad to you, that’s fine as the world of alcohol is seemingly endless. So far I have a handful of drinks I know I like from most categories. Have fun, don’t get fucked up, and be responsible.

For those starting out, I like these and I believe they are drinks that most people agree are alright:

Light beers (lagers, one might be ale): Blue Moon (I haven’t tried the “Light” version, just the regular), Heineken, Coors Light (bottled or on tap).

Ciders: Salt Creek Ciderhouse “Freedom”, Portland Cider Original Gold, Helvetia Cider Oregon Blueberry.

The ciders are local brands, so if you’re in Oregon see if your stores have these and give them a try.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk. Stay safe.