Let’s share experiences about all the shades of ethanol intoxication

Alcohol has always been a big part of my life. I’m sharing a purely subjective opinion of situations and sensations and would like to read about yours as well.

(EN is not my motherlanguage, so sorry in advance, hope we still can understand each other)

I had extreme periods in both ways: I could drink 3-5 liters of wine per day or drink only water for an entire year. I like the effects of alcohol so much that I had to verify if mine was an addiction, something innate or more. I can say that I never had withdrawal, even after 5 liters per day for some time. It may sound strange, but sometimes I actually liked the effects AFTER the booze. I had headaches only two or three times, same for vomiting. It almost never happens. I only get psychological downs sometimes.

Here, I have to specify that I went to doctors and specialists for a long time and done a lot of exams. That is because my CNS was really anomalous since I was born. I have five “uncertain” personality disorders while major clinical depression, bipolarism and dissociative are confirmed. They are a hell to live with, but after my CNS goes “all the way down” I get a natural high for some time when I feel like experiencing everything way more than people around me. Sadly 95% of the time CNS is, well… Depressed. Inactive. Zero dopamine and serotonin, lots of prolactin, cortisol and problematic GABA.

Alcohol is almost an instrument to regulate that. Imagine having zero interest and pleasure in all the best things of this world. Rejecting and almost suffering from music, sex, company, travels, gifts, insane opportunities and so on… Alcohol worked better than any medication and heavy drug (prescribed) that I had and with way less side effects. It was able to shut down excess functions in the CNS and turn on the lacking ones.

As I said in the title, Ethanol >intoxicates<. I’m aware that it’s a dangerous and deadly substance, and the contrast that I’m facing is the reason why I opened this thread. I’m a 25yo M and drinked since I was 16. I have a very good general health (made exception for the mental state) and heavy drinking periods changed my exam results a lot. As you can expect, I got a little off levels for indicators of liver damage (even tho I expected them to be sky-high), but actually had all the others parameters improved. Especially the heart and pressure.

Alcohol destroys all cells, so it obviously isn’t a direct effect, but as also doctors said, it’s possible that it toggled off the constant fight-or-flight response I experience 24/7 for enough time to help my body recover. Recovering while intoxicated with poison that kills cells sounds like straight out of comedy. From 180/120 (in a young and very healty athletic male) to 120/80 after a period of abuse.

I need to specify that I always train, like everyday, as that’s my primary weapon against depression (even tho alcohol is like 100x times more efficient, but, again… It kills, there is no way around it). And I have a very good diet with natural supplements. But the fact is that my mental health never cared about my perfect routine. It was like trying to break a concrete wall with a toothstick. Ethanol was like a toxic friend who helped a lot but wanted to damage me.

I had almost trips that I can compare with other drugs I tried and had inspirational states that no other situation, condition or substance ever created. There was a period when I could also be drunk at different works, and people noticed that, but never directly told me anything as I was working more precisely and efficiently than all the others in the group.

Here again, I have to specify that when my body is exhausted or for some reason alcohol doesn’t work as needed I can enter a state of acute psychosis or simply collapse on the spot, so obviously now I never drink if I need full control of my body in a situation.

To describe everything about this relationship I would really need a book, and the infinite types of hangover I had are also too unique and different to fit them all here. Also, they are sometimes VERY different from what I hear by other people. Concentration, precision, resistance, multi-tasking, creativity and “look from the forth dimension” isn’t something that’s usually connected with alcohol.

Thanks for reading and I’m looking forward for your experiences!