I’ve been drinking too much.

Ever since my gf has left for school over two months ago, I’ve been getting fucked up a lotta nights. I’ll drink sometimes to oblivion and listen to music I like in order to ease the pain. I want to stop. I want to be a normal person again. I just went out to the store again after getting money from my mom for food tomorrow. I used some of it to buy an apple four loko, the highest percentage there is. I chugged it and threw it away before driving back across the street to my house. And all the lying…oh my god. I don’t even know where one lie begun and the other ends. I’m doing good in school. Other than the past two B’s I got which I attribute to drinking and procrastination, I have straight A’s. My life is so great but something’s still missing. I don’t understand. I want to think clearly again. I don’t want my brain to be messed up. I’m so jealous of people like my gf, she goes to a prestigious top 20 school and I’m stuck here going to whatever university is closest by. Everyone says I’m bright but I don’t see it. I don’t want people to be hurt. I’m 22 now, but I remember when I couldn’t buy this so easily just a year and a half ago. It’s everywhere. It’s so unexpected. I want to be able to enjoy this substance in a healthy way. I just wanna feel okay 🙁