can i learn to enjoy being drunk?

drinking is a really big part of the culture of my social life and workplace – but whenever I drink I never get any of the mental effects of social lubrication, dulling of self judgement, euphoria, feeling free and silly, i only ever get the negative physical effects of feeling clumsy, room spinning etc.

can i train myself to get the positive parts out of drinking? it’s really distressing me that I can’t have all the good parts that people love so much and I feel really alienated and weird because of it. when I drink I feel cognitively completely the same and all the negative thoughts beating myself up for being a weirdo and not enjoying it aren’t dulled at all. when “normal” people drink aren’t these anxious thoughts meant to go away?

i’ve tried having small amounts (2-3 standard drinks) and forcing myself to push past that (8-12) and it’s the same for both