Functioning alchy?

I have three little kids so when I have been pregnant I have obv always stopped drinking. However, after they’re born I usually go right back to it. I don’t care enough when I’m pregnant to wish I could drink other than an occasional craving but basically before my kid hits 2 months I’m back to a box of wine every couple days. When I only had one kid I used to drink Tito’s and that would cause me to black out so I stopped and just stick to my boxed wine. Both of my parents are heavy drinkers – neither violent or “wake up and have a drink” type alcoholics but my dad definitely drinks heavily and regularly and my mom is also a frequent flier (they are divorced so not enabling eachother, however, it’s possible their partners are). I worry I am as bad as them or worse? I don’t do anything stupid like drive or get angry/violent but I am self aware enough to know that I see no point in one drink and if I am drinking I like to get drunk. I worry I’m killing myself because when I think about not drinking I don’t know how I would even do it.. even though I don’t wake up and drink or even drink before 4pm usually I do feel like my life is boring and exhausting if I don’t drink. Like it’s almost a thing for me to just be able to stay awake and do the chores I otherwise won’t do because Id rather just sleep. IDK I often think about AA then I stop and think maybe I’m being ridiculous or even worse that I don’t actually want to stop drinking because it’s one of the only things that helps me relax.