30 Year Functional Alcoholic – 4 Years Sober
I’ve been a daily drinker for 30 years. Vodka (3 quarters of the glass), water with a splash of lime. 8 to 10 drinks a day easy. That was the drink I finished my drinking with, thru my years of drinking I drank it all trying to moderate my drinking. Just drink on the weekends (never works), just drink wine, just drink beer, just drink lite beer, I want to loose weight need to be drinking vodka and water. News Flash, they all have loads of calories. It’s a myth, you don’t lose weight drinking vodka.
About 6 months after I quit I experienced some major mental issues. It actually started like a big bipolar episode, well I think that’s what it was. I was high on the hog, my shit didn’t stink. Then all a sudden it was like a gong hit the brass depression bell.
Like have you ever woken up and just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Just in a funk all morning but by the afternoon it seems to have worked itself out. Not this time, took about a year and it was a heck of a year.
It was right at a year later, I was training new employees and I started talking in tongues and my fingers felt like sausages. I couldnt type any longer and I started crying uncontrollably. Scarey shit, I called my wife (she had gone to the bank) and I’m like Tina. I’m in your office with the door closed, im crying and I can’t stop. There is an office full of employees (like 20) that I’m supposed to be training but I’m a mess.
Then my life ended up with me not being interested in anything. That scared me the most, I’m a sales guy. Was at the bar everyday working, motivated, always ready to rock. Not anymore, all that I was feeling is that I was in the way. I’m making my wife miserable and my family.
I ended up just going to bed every night around 6, I couldn’t handle knowing I was the one making everyone depressed and miserable.
So I got suicidal, didn’t tell anyone and everyone asks why, my mother is very hurt because I never said anything.
When I was like that it scared the shit out of me. I had no idea why I was all a sudden this depressed and the only thing I was interested in was ending my life. The last think I wanted to do is tell anyone, then everyone would be asking me what’s wrong and why I’m feeling this way. I don’t have an answer, I had no clue. So I kept my mouth shut. But let me tell you, just knowing they were there and were concerned helped allot. Even though I couldn’t/wouldn’t talk about it. It really helped allot then being there, so keep telling your loved ones you care about them and whenever they are ready to talk about what’s going on your there for them with no questions.
I started telling myself, Chad this is nothing more then a chemical imbalance from my drinking. It will pass one day. It got so bad I told my wife that if I’m like this for much longer I want her to leave me. I made up my mind that there is no way I’ll going to kill myself, I could never be that selfish to my wife, daughter, granddaughter or my mother.
So she would have to divorce me and I wouldn’t blame her. But I told her, Tina, I have absolutely no idea what the fuck is going on and I have no idea how I’m going fix it but I will. This will be a thing of the past one day.
Started going to counseling, which helped. It got me more open to other treatments. When I mentioned I was thinking about going on Zoloft, my alcoholic buddies actually said. Bro, you really want to be taking a medication everyday?
What in the fuck are they taking about, what do you think alcohol is?!?! The worst daily meditation you could be taking on the planet! Zoloft REALLY helped, my anxiety (which I never had until I stopped drinking) was intense to say the least. I was having trouble breathing and when your like that, you can’t think of anything else expect how you can’t stand being you.
I never went to AA, I just had to stop. I tried to stop a million times before and it never worked. The social aspect of drinking was the hardest for me.
So when I finally stopped, I’m like you know what. I obviously am powerless to this alcohol, it has shaped me at a human being. So why am I trying to quit multiple things at once. Just because I’ve stopped drinking doesn’t mean I can’t go to the bars, doesn’t mean I can’t go out for brunch with friends etc
So the 2nd week in, when I stopped I’m like. I’m going to keep everything else the same, the only difference is that i am going to take the ingredient of alcohol out of my life. Im going to drink non alcoholic beer and boy did I. 12 a day minimum, weekends two cases.
Everyone asks, doesn’t it taste funny. I’m like are you fucking serious, who gives a fuck. I’ll get used to it, which I did. My liver and my family is worth getting used to another taste.
Now, 4 Years later. I drink about 2 to 4 twelve packs a week. Old habits are a bitch 🙂
But that’s my story in a nutshell, I actually planned on going to AA to maybe help someone. But AA really isn’t for me, so maybe on here I might be able to help someone.
Quitting is possible and you will eventually be able to enjoy life even more then you do when your drinking. I know that sounds like an impossibility but it isn’t.
If you quit drinking and your miserable not thinking it’ll ever end. It does and it’s worth the wait!
I literally feel like I’ve been released from prison. I never knew what limitations my drinking put on myself and my family until I stopped. I was an extremely successful, outgoing, happy drunk which my life centered around drinking. Hell I’m in sales, I would make more money when I was drinking!
If anyone has any questions, I’m an open book. Ask away, I hope this can help someone.
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