If you have a horrible life and are a drunk, better don’t stop, it’s just gona make it worse

I’d been drinking almost everyday, a load, since November 25. I’m on my 9th sober day. Great right? Well not so much.

You keep hearing the AA propagandists promise you it’s just you and your alcoholism that are the problem. Just get a sponsor, stop the drinks, put yourself out there, do the work and you’ll improve it all, your relationships, your friendships, your work life, and so forth.

Yeah sure if you’re a person who already has their life together and it was just an emotional problem driving you to alc, you’re gona see huge progress.

But sobriety isn’t for everyone.

If you’re like me, don’t have a job, don’t have any friends, don’t have a life basically sobriety will make it worse. You’ll no longer have that fix to be social so you’ll just hide and rot even more than before.

If you have PTSD all the demons from your past are going to come back. All the bad emotions, the tragedies, everything, tenfold.

And of course that’s without even talking about the physical symptoms of withdrawal : constant sweating, trembling, feeling weak, insomnia, even when taking the long release benzos the shrink gave to “compensate”.

I’ve never been as suicidal as since I’ve started this “sober” cure. But, 9 days, just hold on you might say… I’ve been there before. I’ve already spent months sober before, and I had gone back to alc because it didn’t change anything in my life except for making me so aware of the 1000 things that suck in my life and that I won’t ever be able to change.

When the only difference between you and a hobo is that you have a roof over your head (which isn’t even yours) and it’s been going on for years, good luck changing that alone.

“But you’re not alone!!” as good intentioned as that sentence is, yes I’m alone. What’s the rehab shrink gona do? Give me a job with a decent pay and coworkers who are not bullies, which would finally make me able to fix my life? Nah, that’s outside their power. They’re just gona listen to me talking and give me pills, like they always did for 5 years.

There’s no progress to be had. The biggest privilege isn’t beauty, it isn’t having a fancy car, it’s not even having money (although it definitely helps), it’s having had a normal, healthy family that didn’t make you feel they’d murder you every instant and turn you into a scared wreck that needs alcohol to stay alive.

Sorry for the vent, I don’t know if that even belongs here. I just needed to get that out. I don’t even know if I want to go back to alcohol again or rather just off myself. Sobriety just allowed me once again to see that my life is unfixable, and that it’s a life I don’t want.