Good time, or a long time?

(Throwaway for personal reasons and alcoholism doesn’t allow people who have been drinking/drunk, understandably so)

But I’ve struggled a fair amount of alcohol “abuse” especially growing up with mental illness prevalent in the family. I haven’t had a drinking binge since I was 17 but for the last 2-3 weeks, I really can’t remember but I’ve been drinking everyday, I’ve just turned 24, and honestly, it’s the happiest I’ve felt. Ever

I know im addicted again at this point, but for someone like me, I feel ok if this kills me, because I really am enjoy my life again after so long of struggling with mental issues and I feel the best I’ve ever felt, I’m social, supportive, sympathy and most importantly, I feel happy, because of alcohol. I have an amazing partner, a home, pets, but I still lean into alcohol to cope and sleep. I know it’s wrong but I just want to know that I’m not alone, and if people actually came out the other side more happier than without alcohol

Tdlr ig?
Is it really that selfish of me to enjoy the life the way I want it? Even if I die young, I feel I’d be happy because of the social and happiness alcohol has brought me.