Why am I such a sad drunk

Like the title says I don’t understand how anyone is abusvie or unfaithful or anything but sad whenever I drink alone I realise all the bad I’m in or has happened to me and how life has no inherent meaning or how we all die one day this is so sad and I don’t want to continue will update when I’m sober and awake later bye guys I love every single one of you I mean it every one of you guys