Vanilla extract… No… Coconut extract?!?

So…. Your boy was wanting to get his buzz on the other night, as one does. Funny enough, the FDA mamdates that real vanilla extract has to be 35% abv or higher. And, to add to this fuckery, for some reason you can buy vanilla extract in grocery stores when you’re <21.

I have used this method before a few times, buying some and getting a little buzz. Well…. This time i went shopping for a nice 8oz bottle of some vanilla extract, and alongside it was some coconut extract. I thought hey- maybe this coconut extract is better tasting, and hell, it’s cheaper too. So i google it. Nothing comes up. Just the AI overview telling me the same shit it would say about vanilla extract. Okay. I guess i’m doing this.

I purchase the coconut extract, and go home.

Later on, i’ve decided it’s time to drink my vanilla. I go ahead and have my share, and decide some coconut sounds fun. Hahahahahahahahahaha.

I pop it open, and take a nice deep whiff. Smells nice, like some tropical shampoo. Allrrighttt. Take the whole thing in one shot. Chase it with my cherry & cream Pepsi. Weird, it seems to burn much more than the vanilla.

Then it hits.

The most vile, god awful burning sensation i’ve ever felt comes barreling up straight from hell- just to whack me in the gut. Oh and the taste? The taste you may ask me about?

There is nothing comparable. Chemical warfare in my mouth. Vegetable, shampoo, cleaner, bleach. And the bitterness, it was unbearable.

I ran to the toilet, mouth agape with shock. I started gagging, and slowly purged out every last bit of demon fluid I drank.

Shaking, crying, and brought to my knees in the most humbling fashion i’ve ever witnessed, I was broken.

Never again will i make this mistake. And I want you to know this too. Never drink those extracts as they can really hurt you. Pure lemon oil, artificial/natural flavors, etc.