I think I ruined Moxie for myself by drinking straight bitters when I couldn’t get liquor on Sundays.

All right, so most of you have probably never had Moxie. It is a soda that is relatively unique to the Atlantic Northeast in the United States, far north New England, places like New Hampshire and Maine. I’m able to get it from my local Cracker Barrel, and you can usually find a candy shop that has specialty sodas that will have bottles of it as well.

Moxie is oddly bitter and not a taste for everyone. It has gentian root extract in it. If you imagine a flat RC Cola to which someone has added a few drops of bitters and then fecklessly tried to recarbonate with their Soda Stream, you get a good idea of what this stuff tastes like. I happen to like it. Or at least I used to.

Because I live in a dry county, and there are no liquor stores in the wet counties that sell booze on Sundays, I didn’t want to go pay $8 for a beer when I could have paid $8 for a double and a half of 90 proof.

Angostura, you beautiful bitch.

The problem is Angostura’s main flavoring is also gentian root extract. And if you drink it, you will be burping it up for the next 24 hours, and smelling it when you shit the color of blood on African soil.

I ruined one of my favorite soft drinks by drinking something that was never meant to be drank.

Let this be a warning to those of you feeling desperation. You never know what’s going to change when you flip that switch.