I can’t talk to you and I’m not allowed to reach out either so stop complaining I’m drinking alone even in your presence

Anytime I open up to my partner it’s just met with that bothered look and words like “I’m whining/yapping”. Yes I complain a lot. Yes my life is shit and that’s a pain in the *ss for us both. But do you even realize how lonely you make me feel that I even have to write this here??

You don’t want me to be complaining to strangers or friends either because that’s “weak”. But then stop, just stop telling me to stop drinking! I’m doing exactly what you implicitly ask of me! Keeping it all in and wrecking my body, drinking my sorrow and loneliness away so that I shut up and you don’t have to deal with it! Isn’t that precisely what you want?

I resent you so much for not seeing I wanted to connect with you and it’s been years I try and all you ever do is push me away then punish me for using the only tool I have to not jump under a train.

I hope you still stalk me so you will read this, maybe then you will understand.