my resistance to alcohol feels very weird to me and changes in different situations

(TW: (kind of obvious but still warning) i’m mentioning alcohol, its effects on the body and things that could trigger people struggling with alcohol consumption)

(i’m writing this from a trash account and i might post other questions that i cannot post on my main account because (even though reddit is already anon) NO WAY someone i know or that finds my main account can know that)

let me put the context: i absolutely LOVE drinking alone; last year i would take the bottles of my parents, fill up half a 50cl bottle and dilute it with water and drink it at night (ITS DANGEROUS DO NOT DO THAT). but i do not drink in a “i want to forget my problems” way, not at all, i drink to dance, have fun with myself and feel my body go weak (i’m fascinated with consciousness/unconsciousness and being on the verge of fainting feels weirdly pleasant for me).

(yes many people have told me that it’s problematic and dangerous but i’ve stopped a few months ago)

i’ve calculated, at night i would drink 6 to 7 standard alcohol units and would feel wasted and when i take more i usually feel very bad (throwing up if i haven’t eaten before (such a mistakeeeeee))

HOWEVER i’ve noticed several times that when i’m not drinking at home (with people etc) the effects of alcohol feel very stable compared to what it feels like when alone. today i went downtown with friends and had drinks (might be an alcoholic mindset but i went there to DRINK and feel dizzy when going back, i don’t like drinking lightly). from 7pm to 9pm, i drunk in total one cocktail, 4 shots and right now (10pm), i feel a bit hot, vision a bit blurry but NOTHING more. like really, my mind is completely fine and i could even judge my friends (in a friendly way, no way i’d shame someone for being a lightweight) who were dizzy with the same amount of drinks.

maybe it’s just that there wasn’t so much alcohol in the drinks i took, but STILL 4 shots are a lot (at least i think for me) and even though i would feel a wave of heat 10min after drinking, it would soon fade away and i would want to keep on drinking.

i have no idea if not feeling the same type of tipsy when outside or at home is universal and i’m just not aware of it, or if it’s just me but it just surprised me to feel this anchored into reality when i though i was going to be more than fine.

is it normal? am i just craving drinking too much and not realising that i’m tipsy? or am i just holding better than my friends?

i know, my situation is very bad and drinking shouldn’t be something i await for when going out with my friends but this is how it is, so please don’t judge in the comments. i’m not an alcoholic, i’m just trying to know if this is normal or not.

(not really in context, but i’m also very more relaxed when at home so it might have an influence on it?)

thank you very much in advance!!