Help me find my drink

I’m looking for an alcoholic drink that I will actually like. I absolutely HATE even the smallest taste of alcohol but I love being drunk. I’ve tried a lot of things and hated almost all of it. I’ve tried margaritas but I’ve only ever liked it once because they made it so sweet it almost tasted exactly like lemonade (honestly they may have just given me lemonade). Even when I ask them to make it super sweet I still think it tastes gross. Same story with mojitos. I really like Smirnoff Ice drinks for the flavor (specifically the screw driver flavor, it’s amazing) but for some reason it seems to take forever to get a nice buzz off of them. I’ve also tried some different Moscato wines and I think Moscato d’Asti is decent but still not something I really want to drink and I haven’t really liked the other ones (especially the Barefoot wine). I’ve also done different seltzers like Mikes Hard, White Claw, High Noon, etc. and I don’t like any of those. I can get them down to get drunk but I really don’t enjoy it. Im really just looking for either a wine or a mixed drink that will get me drunk but not taste like alcohol. If Im just asking for the impossible and out of luck that’s fine too but I just want to know if a sweet alcoholic drink like that exists. Thanks for the help! 🙂