I did it once I know I can do it again

Last month in February I decided I was done after drinking 5-12 shots of vodka daily for 5 years went into the ER they gave me some Ativan thankfully my labs were t bad but I am now anemic they tried to admit me but I refused I couldn’t lose my job so they gave me a 5 day Librium taper I finished it went 10 whole days without drinking the first time in 5 whole years I was eating again regularly sleeping regularly drinking water regularly I even cleaned my whole house up unfortunately last week I relapsed after being told I’m being laid off and went on a 5 day bender but I didn’t drink as much only 3 shots a day which my whole tolerance reset and I was getting blacked off the 3 shots I’ve decided I no longer want to do this so switched over to drinking only 1 10% cocktail keep in mind I’ve never drank cocktails only vodka shots from literally day one of my drinking journey but after two days In I’m having so much anxiety freaking out about everything crying about everything and having panic attacks and my heart rate keeps shooting up to the 150 range if I stand up but if I’m sitting or laying down it’s fine and I also have intense cravings crying about wanting a drink those are the only symptoms I’m having I’m not shaking I can still sleep at night I can still do daily activities I’m not nauseous. Is it possible with someone watching me that I could just not have to drink again or should I get back on a taper med since it did so well the first time? My fear is looking like a drug seeker or alcoholic because I involuntarily checked out because I couldn’t be admitted for 3-5 days before and now i really can’t afford that or rehab without having insurance. Has anyone had any chance of the ER or just an Urgent care that prescribed you the medication to quit drinking? I’m just concerned about the constant anxiety and heart rate It has me freaking out from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed. Also to add I’ve still been pushing through the high heart rates and getting all daily activities done being able to complete job interviews where as before I went to the ER the first time I was having all full blown withdrawal symptoms even hearing things this time I’m only having really severe anxiety and a high heart rate when moving around