MY LIFE WAS RUINED, Day 1

Hello, my name is Eddie, my life was ruined, my mother walked away from me, my girlfriend anyway, all because of the damn alcohol, today I thought very hard about ending my life, I hate myself and I feel like everyone would be better off without me, I know they will tell me to get help and that, but I already did it and it didn’t work, I feel like I put myself in hopeless mode, I’m just afraid of dying and being reincarnated or something like that into another alcoholic, I started thinking about how I really don’t want to die if I don’t. I want to stop feeling that way, I want to fix my life, I want to be happy once, and I know that if I don’t stop drinking I won’t be able to do it, now I feel totally alone, no one talks to me, but one step at a time I will be able to get out of where I am in is not the end, nor will I kill myself, I will write here every day how I am doing, what I think or feel, my psychologist told me that it is only considered a considerable advance if I am clean of all substances for at least 3 months, I want to achieve it, now I just can’t stop crying for everything I I lost, I hope that all this will change and in three months from the same date, I will be a new man.