want to get dumb drunk

so anytime I drink I’m always aware of what I’m saying, what I’m doing & I always remember everything from the night before. even when I’ve drunk to the point of vomiting and being unable to move. I’m always really conscious, which gets annoying cause my friends will be all braindead but I’ll still be rational. which some may view as good but to me it gets boring. is there any way to not be so damn aware ? it’s hard to approach people etc cause my anxiety is still there. me when drunk is basically just I laugh a ton and I want to hug everyone (but I don’t cause again I can think pretty clearly) the only thing that’s unclear when I’m drunk is that my coordination is terrible lol.. I do get the whole everything’s a good idea mindset like climbing a tree in a snow storm for example. but when it’s social stuff I’m suddenly stone cold sober (at least it feels that way) any advice is appreciated. I mostly drink vodka cause it’s cheapest, if the type of alcohol affects this. thanks !