i wish i could have fun while drinking

im definitely overthinking it, but if there’s a secret to genuinely being happy while drunk i’d love to know it. it’s not a case of having drunk too much over a long time, im 21 and just started drinking within the last year. my dad is an alcoholic and there’s examples of alcoholism on both sides. and both of my moms sides, and my dads sides.

i can’t look at alcohol without seeing it as anything but a bad coping mechanism. my bf drinks, is very social, goes to parties etc. and i’m glad because it’s a part of a lot of people’s life experience after turning 21. but i don’t know if i’ll ever know a life where alcohol is just alcohol for me. i want to be able to go with him to parties or just out with his friends so i don’t have to stay at home worrying about nothing. but if i do, am i even capable of enjoying it? i don’t know. my apologies if this isn’t the right place to talk about this. i just don’t want to be alone