I’m an alcoholic I think

Idk I’m drunk now or tipsy I don’t know I don’t wanna be maybe I’m not. I’m 19 so maybe it’s just a phase. I can’t see myself ever not drinking again. It runs in my family. Both sides. Guess it skipped a generation. Why me. Am I making any sense. I’m gonna post here now. My diary is read by my boyfriend. I have no safe space. He’s probably gonna eventually see this too.