I’m a mental alcoholic

Never really drunk much to begin with and only had my first beer with 22, am 30 now and didn’t touch a drink since 1 year. But damn I keep coming back in my memories and imagination the fun it would be to do X, Y, Z while having some drinks. Imagining the “perfect” drunk day, what I would do and what I would drink a “day for the gods” so to speak.

I’m not even a party drinker, was only in the beginning of my alcohol drinking days but the last few years enjoyed drinking on my own and doing dumb shit (although funny memories) while intoxicated. Gosh I miss it… the fear of getting cancer down the line is the only thing that keeps me away from drinking again and buying some nice craft beers.

Not sure if this is strong enough motivation in the long term tough to really “never drink again”. I catch myself often with thoughts like “I’ll just have 4 2,5% beers a few times a month, the added risk for getting cancer should be minimal” or googling for supplement routines (antioxidants, NAC and so on) to come up with a theoretical plan to mitigate the cancer risk a few drinks will give me.