Mom found out i drink

I’m 16 and live in the Czech Republic. My foster parent found out I drink alcohol. I had a vodka bottle in my bag, but before I left school, I hid it near the trash outside so I could get it later when she wasn’t around. I was scared she’d check my bag. But when I went to grab it, she caught me. I told her I was buying alcohol for a friend because my friend can’t get it herself. She didn’t believe me and wanted to see my phone and messages, but I said no. I cried when she found out, but honestly, I didn’t really care. My brain just shut down, and I didn’t feel anything. Me and my foster parent don’t have a good relationship. We barely talk, don’t eat together, and mostly just say hi or talk about school. We argue a lot. She seems kind of numb and she’s bipolar, so it’s impossible to talk to her properly. We’ve never been close. I usually drink alone in my room. In the last two months, I’ve had about eight vodkas. I don’t know if I’m addicted, but it makes me feel good. I never had a good childhood. I’ve been mistreated and abused and have a lot of trauma. Over time, I’ve shut down emotionally. My brain built a wall so I don’t feel pain or anything anymore it’s like I’m living in a dream. I don’t care what happens next because I think I’ll just wake up from this dream. But sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever really wake up, or if death is the only thing that will let me finally be at peace.