I came here for booze wisdom, not Mountain Dew margarita disasters

Look, I joined this sub expecting life lessons from people who smell like oak barrels and regret. You know — “neat or with a splash,” debates about the soul of bourbon, someone crying into a Manhattan.

But lately? It’s giving:

“Can I ferment Capri Sun with a space heater?” “Is vodka in a cereal bowl classy if you use a spoon?” “I blacked out and now my goldfish is missing. Pls help.”

Y’all. This ain’t mixology. This is chaos with a hangover.

Can someone please drop a cocktail recipe that doesn’t involve Monster Energy or childhood trauma?

I miss the grown-up drinking chaos. The kind with bad decisions and a wine-stained shirt. Let’s bring it back.