Most healthy alcoholic beverage? (Because alcohol is bad for you, but also… shut up)

Alright, let’s just get this out of the way. Alcohol is technically bad for you, but so is stress. And what’s worse: the soul crushing weight of modern existence with a gin and soda, or the soul crushing weight of modern existence without one? Exactly.

So now that we’ve established alcohol is medicine for the psyche, let’s get into it. I’m looking for the healthiest possible alcoholic beverage. Criteria include:

• Lowest calories • Fewest additives or sketchy ingredients • Anything that might pass as a health benefit (minerals, fermentation, antioxidants, gut flora, whatever)

Beer is liquid bread, and cocktails are basically sweet shop candy in a glass. Vodka is the obvious choice for calorie counters, but it’s also a bit joyless. Red wine has antioxidants, but it can be a migraine with legs (what is that by the way?). Tequila? Allegedly full of minerals, but that might just be agave lobby propaganda. Sake? Feels clean, maybe even secretly probiotic if you listen to your mate Dave who just got back from Japan.

So what’s your pick? What’s the least damaging poison?

Let the pseudo health advice flow.