Accept my fate

I’m a raging alcoholic. I lost pretty much everyone to my alcoholism but I always bounce back with a new crew of people it’s like a hellish reality of losing loved ones gaining loved ones losing loved ones so on and so fourth. Not once did I lose anyone because they thought I was drinking dangerously or that I was too much of a dick if anything I was greatly favored, between manic episodes and over drinking I always made nothing something and that’s what I hold on to. I know everyone could hate that mindset but from how I see it, the world is actively dying in front of my eyes, no matter how hard I try I’ll end up miserable. What’s the point of wasting years trying to be sober for no reason? The only thing that’s promised in life is death, even if that’s early or drawn out we have no control. Sobriety is painstakingly boring, the only regret I’ll have in my 90s is getting sober and wasting so much time for something that’s not even for me. Those addicted to weed find every reason to convince you it’s good for them, I don’t get why they’re the only people that are allowed to say that. Who doesn’t want insane confidence? Who doesn’t want crazy stories to tell people when you’re bored? Who doesn’t WANT to have stories fun enough you can laugh along with people who have no idea. The thing with nostalgia being so dangerous because you romanticize events that were never that good but that’s only true when you do something stupid blacked out off a liter of vanilla vodka, no one cares. Good for the alcoholics that get sober good for them, I personally won’t pretend I’m happy when I can buy happiness for 4$ a pint