Im so confused

If i try and live life healthy, such as no drinking no vaping etc. I am so much unhappier than if i let myself do these things? But i also cannot get the looming thought of i am harming my body and mind doing them. I love to do relax and unwind because i am so highly strung but i also want to be healthy.

I am finding if i have a drink on the weekend then i am actually much happier during the week as i have almost let myself relax. But if i don’t and i try to pursue health and success then i become depressed all week, angry and anxious.

Is this a serious problem? I also have to note i have diagnosed ADHD and medicated, although it only works for about 2-3 hours of the day.