Can’t tell if I like alcohol a bit too much?

Made a throwaway since I am trying to keep this sorta private lol.

Basically, trying to figure out if I like alcohol a bit too much and whether I should look to eliminate it entirely, or whether it’s possible to find balance.

About me, I am a 39M living downtown Chicago, working as an attorney, married but no kids (yet). Anxiety and depression have always been an issue for me, they are fairly mild for me, but extremely persistent. What that means is, I can generally function well at everything but its nearly guaranteed that I will go home and ruminate on perceived short comings, stress about future uncertainty, etc.

On to the alcohol – basically through my 20s I was at the bars every weekend with friends. Didn’t drink during the week because I was trying to climb the corporate ladder and couldn’t work if I went out the day before.

30s came along and it was generally still the same, but started to taper. So going out two nights per weekend became one night, staying out til 1am became staying out til 10pm, etc. So far, still pretty good.

Fast forward to more recently, and I feel like I might like going out a little too much. There are times where being out at the bars / restaurants is the only thing that numbs the depression, to the point where I have started “going out to pick up some food” alone, except I end up sitting at the bar alone. Did it again yesterday, despite telling myself that I would stay away.

I am not having a crazy number of drinks – typically 3-4 per outing, going out weekends but dry during the week … I’ve mentioned it in counseling and I guess I don’t drinking an “amount” that is enough to raise concern, but the fact that its irresistible to me is a bit worrying – like, its a beautiful Sunday yesterday and I tried to think of something fun to do (read a book, play with the dogs, go to the gym) but sure as shit I ended up eating and drinking.

Not really sure where I am going with this but just hoping to hear from similarly situated people and see whether its possible to balance this, or if I need to go totally dry for a while (a thought which kinda scared me since social drinking is big where I live, and also because I fear I’d spiral into a depression if I had to stay home and couldn’t go out)