Worried about how much alcohol I’m consuming

So I was diagnosed with Lupus at 16 years old and experience extreme pain everyday. I fake it for everyone and smile because I don’t expect anyone to understand the pain I deal with on a daily basis. But last year my lupus started attacking my stomach and I got a gastric bypass because of the damage my lupus had done to my stomach. This wasn’t because of being overweight it was because my lupus was attacking my stomach. Then two months after this surgery while I’m still recovering I got pregnant. I have birth to a beautiful baby boy in April of this year and not once during that time did I drink alcohol. But a few weeks after my husband and I celebrated with some drinks and since then I have now become addicted to drinking sips of vodka. I had/have (dealing with), post partum depression and on top of that my pain from my lupus and the fact that really never got to recover from my stomach surgery, affects my daily life. I can’t take most pain killers due to an allergy and I don’t like to take Tylenol because I know it’s terrible to take with liquor and hard on your liver. But I have had horrible mom guilt over the fact that I feel the need to take a sip of vodka every few hours of the day because it takes away the physical pain I’m dealing with. I never get drunk, (not trying to justify drinking this much), but I always make sure it’s just enough to get me a little tiny buzz. After having baby my body pains are worse than ever and vodka seems the be the only thing that’s helped. I’ve gone to tons of doctors and trying to find a solution to my pain, but now I’m just drinking every couple of hours taking a swig of vodka because it’s the only thing that’s giving me energy and taking my pain away. I know this is wrong and I have terrible “mom guilt” over it. I feel like a failure and a horrible parent and person that I now am in this vicious cycle of; take a drink of vodka just enough to get you by but then I feel guilty and have stopped multiple times for weeks and stayed sober, but ultimately I end up going right back to it. Now I get withdrawals so easily when a few hours go by and I haven’t had even the smallest sip of vodka. I feel like I’m killing myself and I want to be better for my son. But I keep thinking in my head; “Well it’s alright because it’s just sip here and there.”. But then I know that this habit is one that needs to stop because it’s not good for my body and I don’t want it to escalate into something bigger. Does anyone have advice about weening off of alcohol and also if binge micro dosing alcohol is something they have seen or experienced? I’m so afraid I’m killing my body slowly but it’s so difficult waking up in pain every day that no one understands.