18y/o turning 19

I’m drunk writing this, but badicslly every night I drink half a bottle of vodka, I’ve spent about $3,000 a month on vodka. I honestly don’t know why I drink, apparently my mothers side of the family has got addictive personality, whichh makes sense, my grandparents use to be alcoholics and my uncles are drug addicts. I’m currently 18 doing a butchery appprenxticeship, so I’ve got a goood carreeer ahead of me. I still crave opiates so bad, so hard to get my hands on, my mum occasionally gives me codeine due to my back pain. Incznt remember when it all started, I think I first started with weed, then it was oxycodone and that made me feel like i was in space, I can’t even describe it, I wish I could get oxycodone again…. (Unfortunately now I’m on some sort of “black list”) then since I couldn’t get my hands on any of that, alcohol is the one thing I can buy, so i drink hard out now. If I was prescipated opiates I wouldn’t drink, I’ve got disc dotoritation and scoliosis …. I’ve asked for opiates but they won’t give me any since my pains chronic. I’ve been prescioed thc and cbd but that doesnt even help. But it’s not the pain I care about… sometimes I even try to make my back worse so I CAN be prescioed opiates but it doesn’t work. I’ve gone to hospital many times to try be prescioed , never worrks