I feel like alcohol makes me more emotionally mature

Maybe it’s because when I get drunk I think about things that make me sad, but I feel like when I drink I am better at knowing what I want to get out of life. Idk, I feel like most of my sober life I’m just stumbling through until I can get high or something and don’t think about what exactly it is I want, but when I drink I’m very decisive. Anyone feel similar?