I need help finding a good limit to base myself with!

Alright so ima try to be quick so I don’t waste whatever drunk I have still in me but here it goes!

So I’m 21 and have been drinking since 15 years of age. Obviously I have noticed a drastic difference in levels of tolerance over the years.

At 15 I felt like I was a champion and could out drink anybody. I’d have like 400ml of vodka and (to my understanding) JUST THEN BE DRUNK. I feel like this is a lapse in judgement from all, as I was in a group of 15yr olds getting drunk. We may have not even known what drunk was. But fuck 400ml to myself at 15? Rethinking that is insane. For context I live in Canada and drinking alcoholic drinks and smoking weed at age 13-17 is ridiculously common. Especially living in a border town to Quebec. Where the legal age is 18c I’d be able to buy drinks from a not too smart convience store at literally 16 years of age. Also smoking HELLA WEED. Probably 7g a night at that rate. Low grade weed but still.

For some additional context my mother was a crack addict and regularly consumed crack cocaine while I was in the womb. I was actually born with drawling from crack. That’s why I will never in my lifetime dabble with cocaine or crack cocaine. It’s just a major red flag. Obviously with this knowledge I probably shouldn’t have dabbled with anything else, but hey I was a kid and now I’m trying to face it at face value. Additional context my father is a raging alcoholic. 12 beers in and the bro is having people drive him to the beer store right before closing cause he just “hasn’t had enough yet”.

What sucks is I find myself very VERY smart with myself. I know my personal triggers for my anxiety and for my anger. My teachers and colleagues have always called me the most self aware person they know…

But when it comes too drinking I seem to be just like my father (as of recent and after some serious self reflection I have gotten so much better at what I’m about to explain…)

I don’t know when I’m drunk. And I just feel tipsy until one shot does me over and I begin acting like an absolute MESS. I’m falling over. Not really making much sense. Talking with absolutely no filter. Talking to brand new people as if I’ve known them for ten years. Bringing up heavy ass topics that shouldn’t be brought up. Sometimes I even start getting super sad and talk about my life problems as if anybody at this sports bar even cares. And this all happens seconds after I genuinely feel like I am in SO MUCH CONTROL.

Funnily enoughwhen I’m hammered I sleep walk as well. I did as a kid, very heavily. Always finding my way around the house and just crashing on the wood floor or concrete floor. But as an adult it is far more embarrassing. I seem to only get that bad off hard liquor. And with liquor involved many of these sleep walking trips are me attempting to make it to a bathroom, to no avail. I will piss on my friends living room walls because I am dreaming of peeing in my own bathroom.

I’ve eliminated hard liquor. I know it’s a demon too me. After stopping drinking for a bit I came back too coolers and have so far felt pretty stable under the influence of them. But a few days ago my girlfriend had her cousin come over (an alcoholic, as I’ve noticed after the fact) and they had me take three shots of vodka 40%. I didn’t think too much of it. I had only downed two coolers so far and felt like I could possibly handle those 3 shots. You know, 1 shot is equal to a 5% drink as I ’ve heard so I thought I was good. No I was not good.

I embarrassed myself heavily. Hadn’t even spoken to my girlfriends brother before and sat in his room talking and playing drunken elden ring with him for TWO HOURS. Only after the fact I’ve realized he was cool with it but still didn’t exactly want me in his room. I’m glad he enjoyed my company but he just wanted to be alone that night and I didn’t get a single fucking hint.

I am 21 and do not want to entirely quit drinking. But I feel due to my father my tolerance is so high. 3 beers don’t do shit like they would’ve everyone else as early as me.

I want to have fun with my peers without creating a problem for myself or becoming a problem for them.

If anybody relates in anyway and would like to talk about it, this thread is here but I will also provide my personal phone number in dms.

I cannot be the only one dealing with this, as specific as it may sound.

I also just quit marijuana as I’ve developed a allergy to weed because I began smoking it at 11. Apparently if you smoke it too too young too much (I began an ounce a week at 13) you are severely likely to have an allergy to it, especially if your like me and already have a pollen/ fruit allergy like I do.

This was long but it’s so real. I want to enjoy life with my buddies and I enjoy getting drunk. I just don’t want to embarrass myself. I need help finding a healthy medium.

Thanks for your time. Honestly r/alcohol