33 days. The most I’ve ever gone.

After 4 years of AA. 15 years of hard drinking. I am here right now. 33 days. It feels kinda weird. Like. I just come home and don’t drink?… I stopped going to AA. And have gained this time.

I feel like I wanna hit a meeting. At the same time AA , I feel has fueled my drinking. Like. Being reminded everyday day I’m a hopeless alcoholic. Taking time out just to go to a meeting. Being in depressing or boring meetings.

Idk. My cravings are pretty low. I don’t feel like I’m white knuckling it.

Idk guys. It’s just weird. Idk how I should be feeling rn.