I (24f) think I have a problem with alcohol

I ám a 24f and I have a nine month old baby. I have a history of addiction to drugs, but it’s been two years. I haven’t done any drugs besides alcohol. I never thought I had a problem until recently that My husband, my baby and I went to a Christmas party and I had too much to drink.

I embarrassed myself and obviously my husband was the one taking care of our baby. I fell so many times on the way back home and I embarrassed myself everywhere I even fell down the stairs. I think I even shit my pants but I’m not sure I can’t remember. I cannot remember this I just have flashbacks of the police are in our home and I ran naked to my neighbors home. I am truly ashamed. I can’t even go outside the house now but I know I need to apologize to them too.
I hate myself for drinking so much next to my baby and for embarrassing myself and my husband. I don’t think I’ve ever had this much guilt. It’s eating me. Today, my baby was cuddling me and playing with me and she hugged me and doesn’t even know what happened and for her I’m still her mom, but the guilt is killing me for drinking while she was with me. I don’t want to drink again, but since I am very anxious, I am craving alcohol to get rid of the anxiety. I haven’t had a drink and I won’t. I just needed to write this out of myself. I can’t talk about this with any friends or family members since I am too embarrassed, and ashamed and full of pain..

I know it was not right. I have a problem with alcohol.