If anyone who drinks excessively and doesn’t think it’s an issue. Please read.

I just got broken up with by probably one of the most amazing, sweet, supportive, willing to help guys I will ever meet. Over the course of our 3 year relationship, He always saw I had some issues with drinking due to my behaviors when I was not with him, I’d be confusing, get an attitude, and towards the end I would say I unknowingly was quite emotionally abusive over text messages which is very hard to admit but my responsibility to. I never thought I had a problem I just thought sometimes I took things too far. I’m 25 years old he was 33 and thought sometimes people over do it, people go out and drink all the time but surely I could control myself. I never drank with him and never needed to as I was so happy in his company. He had brought it up multiple times to me and how he doesn’t want a future like that or a life like that out of pure concern. instead of admitting I had an issue I dismissed it, and almost borderline got offended that he wouldn’t want to be with me completely ignoring his feelings I feel delusional looking back. I did drink to help cope with mental issues and he always encouraged me to get help, or go to AA. I truly never took the step. I am so disgusted with myself, my behavior, and my lack of control and my unwillingness to change to better our relationship and my own self it’s shameful to think that my actions aided in the love of my life leaving. He one time told me you’re gonna have to hit rock bottom to learn. This is my rock bottom and it sucks that it’s primarily my fault. Does anyone have any advice on how to cope with knowing you were the problem all along ?