Hey guys I need to ask a question and need to learn from your experience in a way

So I stopped drinking for 1 year but recently started again after a party. Apologies for my grammar because I’m kinda drunk right now but I really wanna get to the bottom of what’s going on, I recently had a party and had 5 shots and got out of it because I became a light weight again but it brought me back to how much I liked being drunk in general, so over the last 4 weeks I’ve been consuming lots of alcohol like 30 units a night to go back to that fun time. Is this what a relapse is? it scares me beccause I wake up wondering who I’ve texted or where I’ve been…. I need to stop this against instantly, but when I’m black out I seem to keep drinking according to my mates… help? What can I do.. I need yo guys more than anything because you’re help fun thank you help.