I have difficult feelings with alcohol, looking for advice.

To keep it long and short, I’m straight edge and sober. Never drank alcohol, never done drugs, I don’t even drink coffee. Why? Because I believe I’m genetically disposed to substance abuse.

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I grew up around addicts. I don’t know a single one of my family that hasn’t nearly lost their life, several times, to substance abuse. Painkillers, opiods, and for my parents it was alcohol. They’d drink it until they black out, got memory issues and had strokes.

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But everywhere I go, I see people saying alcohol is fantastic. To just try it. That there’s no other way to hang out in social situations. Even comments I see regarding those posts on the anti-alcohol side are “You don’t HAVE to drink alcohol, but it helps!”. It’s just so frustrating. I’m terrified it’ll kill my brain if I drink it, but the curiosity of being able to relax in social interactions is so tempting, but people make life-ruining mistakes while drunk all the time.

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I don’t know. I don’t know what a healthy relationship to alcohol looks like, it fucks everyone I know who drinks it. I’m terrified of it now at this point. I don’t know if I should just give in and try it and be an adult about it or forever not know what it’s like to be drunk with friends.